How many times do nurses wash their hands?
As many times as Brain makes escape plans.
If I would have thought of investing in soap
I wouldn’t be here cleaning poop like a dope.
A growing collection of funny or emotional poems that I write about my daily nursing experiences. Read, chuckle, relate, enjoy! 
Tag: Overextended Nurse/RN
How Do Nurses Feel After Working a Long Hard Shift?
I feel like I just broke a world record for staying on my feet for the longest time in a day.
I feel like Dansko got revenge on me and filled my shoes with cement.
I feel like I just did yoga in an automatic car wash between the scrubbing spinny brushes.
I feel like I spent 12 hours on a medieval rack with a scorned lover at the cranks.
I feel like I roller skated for the first time in 15 years with teens listening to blaring Celine Dion.
I feel like I did the first 3 days of P90X at once.
I feel like a crazed Italian dragged my legs through a noodle maker.
I feel like I just had to push 10 syringes of D50 in a row.
I feel like my entire team was made up of gremlins on amphetamines.
NursingPoems.com
What its like trying to fix terrible Nurses Staffing:
Its like taking handwriting lessons from the Parkinson’s Club president.
Its like getting 40 select all that apply on a critical care test.
Its like trying to get an IV in a man that was just rescued from the desert.
Its like learning utensil handling mastery from the Parkinson’s Clubs provost.
Its like taking hygiene tips from frequent flyers in the ER.
Its like trying to place a Foley in a patient with severe contractures.
Its so very frustrating to get good nursing staffing
I wish our request weren’t met like we’re new jeans chaffing.
So please Staffing next time we call.
Please allow us some more nurses, or accept all the falls.
NursingPoems.com
Nursing School Graduation Celebration
Nursing school oh nursing school, you are the worst
You suck up my life and must always be first.
I rise and I read long books about pharm
When I sleep I dream about the parts of the arm
Between clinicals and class, studying and eating
“Who needs sleep?” I ask, with a bleary greeting.
My life will be great when I graduate
I will finally have so much less on my plate.
Soon I will take those glorious steps
As a new grad I take on whatever’s next.
And I’ll whisper to those who just are starting,
“For the next 4 years from your life you’ll be parting”
NursingPoems.com
Wonderful Lives as Nurses
What lives we live as nurses
Our many days off with fat full purses.
To do that though we must be brave.
We must daily pull on trousers and slave
To clean all the poop from head to toe
From Betty to George and John to Joe.
It’s not easy what we do everyday.
Not a break do we get if something’s astray.
“More coffee! More pills! My mom needs a bath!”
Its with each morning we trudge this winding warpath.
With smiles on faces and great counterparts
We bravely enjoy this work in our hearts.
NursingPoems.com
Please, Tie the Restrains Right!
Hey there FRIEND! You are terrible at putting on restraints
You know, on the guy that ain’t acting like a jolly saint?
So now he pulled out his central line
and has blood flowing out like the river Rhine.
What the heck!? How hard is it tying ONE knot?
Its just a loop with a loose end that plops.
I want to scream, its the end of my shift
And now I have to deal with this rift!
Next time, think before you leave the room,
“What actions do I take so the nurse doesn’t fume?”
NursingPoems.com
Nurse Will Work for Bacon
Tired nurse will work for bacon:
Walking and walking, oh my feet hurt
I feel I’ve aged 20 years and live in a yurt.
It’s always so painful to be on my feet
For 14 hours and never have a seat.
At least the shifts almost over
And I can rest my dogs, one I even named Rover.
So I lift ’em up, relax and recline
Perhaps next thing I’ll do is eat greasy strips of swine.
NursingPoems.com
Difficult to Please Family, Really?
I am so frustrated that you are unhappy
Your family member could die and all you care about are things stupid and crappie.
I talk to doctors, push IV meds, take their vitals umpteen times
And all you do is point out the dirt on the floor as if it were a crime
Well I am so sad to report that while saving their life
My skills as a housekeeper were slightly under strife
NursingPoems.com