How many times do nurses wash their hands?
As many times as Brain makes escape plans.
If I would have thought of investing in soap
I wouldn’t be here cleaning poop like a dope.
A growing collection of funny or emotional poems that I write about my daily nursing experiences. Read, chuckle, relate, enjoy! 
Tag: Nursing School
How Do Nurses Feel After Working a Long Hard Shift?
I feel like I just broke a world record for staying on my feet for the longest time in a day.
I feel like Dansko got revenge on me and filled my shoes with cement.
I feel like I just did yoga in an automatic car wash between the scrubbing spinny brushes.
I feel like I spent 12 hours on a medieval rack with a scorned lover at the cranks.
I feel like I roller skated for the first time in 15 years with teens listening to blaring Celine Dion.
I feel like I did the first 3 days of P90X at once.
I feel like a crazed Italian dragged my legs through a noodle maker.
I feel like I just had to push 10 syringes of D50 in a row.
I feel like my entire team was made up of gremlins on amphetamines.
NursingPoems.com
What its like trying to fix terrible Nurses Staffing:
Its like taking handwriting lessons from the Parkinson’s Club president.
Its like getting 40 select all that apply on a critical care test.
Its like trying to get an IV in a man that was just rescued from the desert.
Its like learning utensil handling mastery from the Parkinson’s Clubs provost.
Its like taking hygiene tips from frequent flyers in the ER.
Its like trying to place a Foley in a patient with severe contractures.
Its so very frustrating to get good nursing staffing
I wish our request weren’t met like we’re new jeans chaffing.
So please Staffing next time we call.
Please allow us some more nurses, or accept all the falls.
NursingPoems.com
Nurses Week 2015, Thank You Nurses!
Nurses week is an exciting peak!
It’s a time to Nurses that is unique.
Today we celebrate your daily caring,
And your grand amazingness we are declaring!
Thank you for all you do everyday,
For how much you care and the kind things you say.
Thank you for caring for our family and loved ones,
From our hearts to yours, WE LOVE NURSES TONS!
NursingPoems.com
Nursing School Graduation Celebration
Nursing school oh nursing school, you are the worst
You suck up my life and must always be first.
I rise and I read long books about pharm
When I sleep I dream about the parts of the arm
Between clinicals and class, studying and eating
“Who needs sleep?” I ask, with a bleary greeting.
My life will be great when I graduate
I will finally have so much less on my plate.
Soon I will take those glorious steps
As a new grad I take on whatever’s next.
And I’ll whisper to those who just are starting,
“For the next 4 years from your life you’ll be parting”
NursingPoems.com
Wonderful Lives as Nurses
What lives we live as nurses
Our many days off with fat full purses.
To do that though we must be brave.
We must daily pull on trousers and slave
To clean all the poop from head to toe
From Betty to George and John to Joe.
It’s not easy what we do everyday.
Not a break do we get if something’s astray.
“More coffee! More pills! My mom needs a bath!”
Its with each morning we trudge this winding warpath.
With smiles on faces and great counterparts
We bravely enjoy this work in our hearts.
NursingPoems.com
Nursing School’s Joy is the End
Finishing semesters in school is the best feeling
Like a pig in the mud, I just might start squealing!
No more papers to write or things to turn in
Or crappy assignments from crap to gold I spin.
Soon I will rest and in the quietness caress
The thought that one day school will be over
And I will into the workforce crossover.
I will turn into Scrooge, hoarding my money
My disposition will be so much brighter and sunny.
NursingPoems.com
Sickening C Diff
C diff runs like a river wide
Swallowing healthy bowels in large stride.
For me, C diff just makes me gag,
It smells like 10 rats dead in a bag.
So vomit I do, a bit in my throat
And try not to look seasick like on a boat.
My patient asks “What’s wrong with you nurse?”
And I simply smile and try to converse.
So C diff I hope this Vanco kills you
I’ll be first in line to wish you ‘Adieu!’
NursingPoems.com
Patho is Painful
Studying Pathology is like walking through sand,
It’s the toughest subject in all the land.
After we’re through we’ll be smart eggs
Our brain will be full like we drank four kegs.
So keep studying Patho it’s so good for you nurse,
Soon you’ll see reason and not be averse.
As pathology is so important in practice
With it’s knowledge you’ll keep your license blackless.
NursingPoems.com
Nurse Will Work for Bacon
Tired nurse will work for bacon:
Walking and walking, oh my feet hurt
I feel I’ve aged 20 years and live in a yurt.
It’s always so painful to be on my feet
For 14 hours and never have a seat.
At least the shifts almost over
And I can rest my dogs, one I even named Rover.
So I lift ’em up, relax and recline
Perhaps next thing I’ll do is eat greasy strips of swine.
NursingPoems.com