How many times do nurses wash their hands?
As many times as Brain makes escape plans.
If I would have thought of investing in soap
I wouldn’t be here cleaning poop like a dope.
A growing collection of funny or emotional poems that I write about my daily nursing experiences. Read, chuckle, relate, enjoy! 
Category: Body Fluids
Sickening C Diff
C diff runs like a river wide
Swallowing healthy bowels in large stride.
For me, C diff just makes me gag,
It smells like 10 rats dead in a bag.
So vomit I do, a bit in my throat
And try not to look seasick like on a boat.
My patient asks “What’s wrong with you nurse?”
And I simply smile and try to converse.
So C diff I hope this Vanco kills you
I’ll be first in line to wish you ‘Adieu!’
NursingPoems.com
Why Do Patients Smell!?
Man! Were you raised by wolves?
Your clothes and hair are full of weevils.
Its like a bath for you is ancient practice
To get you clean we’d need a loofah made of cactus.
Time to take you to the shower and clean you off
Hopefully you don’t plug up any drain troughs.
Dead skin is in the air like swirling dust
Pardon me as I throw up in my mouth with great disgust
NursingPoems.com
Why Nurses Hate Stool!
Please when you defecate in your bed
Keep it contained, don’t let it spread.
I mean, It’s not like you pooping flowers
It’s more like logs of terror from the butt of Bowser
More like a mudslide in Indonesia
It makes me hate Milk of Magnesia.
So avoid it I shall for Mario I am not
I’d much rather before a drug test, smoke pot.
For playing with stool is for the crazy patients,
Definitely not for men who want good female relations.
Just Go Already
Alright time to decide if you have to go or not.
I am not here to sit and watch you on the pot.
Please let it loose like Niagara Falls
Or get back to bed and stop with the calls!
NursingPoems.com
Urine Dread
Please, oh please don’t wet the bed
It’s such a pain, one all nurses dread
Use the bedpan or a urinal
Simply peeing the bed is just criminal
NursingPoems.com
Too Much Stool
Old people are fun to learn from and I love their laughter
However, they aren’t always fun to clean up after
With a toot and plop the bed is messy too much for a mop
It’s like a river. It never, stops.
NursingPoems.com