C diff runs like a river wide
Swallowing healthy bowels in large stride.
For me, C diff just makes me gag,
It smells like 10 rats dead in a bag.
So vomit I do, a bit in my throat
And try not to look seasick like on a boat.
My patient asks “What’s wrong with you nurse?”
And I simply smile and try to converse.
So C diff I hope this Vanco kills you
I’ll be first in line to wish you ‘Adieu!’
What lives we live as nurses
Our many days off with fat full purses.
To do that though we must be brave.
We must daily pull on trousers and slave
To clean all the poop from head to toe
From Betty to George and John to Joe.
It’s not easy what we do everyday.
Not a break do we get if something’s astray.
“More coffee! More pills! My mom needs a bath!”
Its with each morning we trudge this winding warpath.
With smiles on faces and great counterparts
We bravely enjoy this work in our hearts.
How many times do nurses wash their hands?
As many times as Brain makes escape plans.
If I would have thought of investing in soap
I wouldn’t be here cleaning poop like a dope.
Nurses week is an exciting peak!
It’s a time to Nurses that is unique.
Today we celebrate your daily caring,
And your grand amazingness we are declaring!
Thank you for all you do everyday,
For how much you care and the kind things you say.
Thank you for caring for our family and loved ones,
From our hearts to yours, WE LOVE NURSES TONS!
I feel like I just broke a world record for staying on my feet for the longest time in a day.
I feel like Dansko got revenge on me and filled my shoes with cement.
I feel like I just did yoga in an automatic car wash between the scrubbing spinny brushes.
I feel like I spent 12 hours on a medieval rack with a scorned lover at the cranks.
I feel like I roller skated for the first time in 15 years with teens listening to blaring Celine Dion.
I feel like I did the first 3 days of P90X at once.
I feel like a crazed Italian dragged my legs through a noodle maker.
I feel like I just had to push 10 syringes of D50 in a row.
I feel like my entire team was made up of gremlins on amphetamines.
Its like taking handwriting lessons from the Parkinson’s Club president.
Its like getting 40 select all that apply on a critical care test.
Its like trying to get an IV in a man that was just rescued from the desert.
Its like learning utensil handling mastery from the Parkinson’s Clubs provost.
Its like taking hygiene tips from frequent flyers in the ER.
Its like trying to place a Foley in a patient with severe contractures.
Its so very frustrating to get good nursing staffing
I wish our request weren’t met like we’re new jeans chaffing.
So please Staffing next time we call.
Please allow us some more nurses, or accept all the falls.
Tired nurse will work for bacon:
Walking and walking, oh my feet hurt
I feel I’ve aged 20 years and live in a yurt.
It’s always so painful to be on my feet
For 14 hours and never have a seat.
At least the shifts almost over
And I can rest my dogs, one I even named Rover.
So I lift ’em up, relax and recline
Perhaps next thing I’ll do is eat greasy strips of swine.
SCDs are King and Lovenox Queen
Of the land they reign that is DVT clean.
‘Clot clean!’ is their motto, one for all to hear.
Its one all clots should fear, a land they should never be near.
For if clots set foot in Clot Cleanville they will surely be lysed
As C diff after the use of many bleach wipes.
So nurses, create for your patients a Clot Clean life
For they will be merry and enjoy much less strife.