Nursing school oh nursing school, you are the worst
You suck up my life and must always be first.
I rise and I read long books about pharm
When I sleep I dream about the parts of the arm
Between clinicals and class, studying and eating
“Who needs sleep?” I ask, with a bleary greeting.
My life will be great when I graduate
I will finally have so much less on my plate.
Soon I will take those glorious steps
As a new grad I take on whatever’s next.
And I’ll whisper to those who just are starting,
“For the next 4 years from your life you’ll be parting”
My patient! You almost died!
Your tele rang off and sent nurses a fly!
Heart stopped and lungs stalled
we started pumping your chest as ones enthralled
with the thrill of the moment of saving a life,
one we don’t get in this world of strife.
Pump, pump we pumped away!
Like reindeer working at Santas sleigh.
Alarms were ringing, doctors yelling.
Come back would you? There was no way of telling.
Sudden in the quiet moment,
when the air was still and success at foment
you came back to life, a daisy out the snow,
like a phoenix born anew you filled with life aglow!
Off to the unit you were rushed,
and in your place left a quiet hush
of an empty room of a life just saved,
together, nurses goodbye we waved.
I feel like I just broke a world record for staying on my feet for the longest time in a day.
I feel like Dansko got revenge on me and filled my shoes with cement.
I feel like I just did yoga in an automatic car wash between the scrubbing spinny brushes.
I feel like I spent 12 hours on a medieval rack with a scorned lover at the cranks.
I feel like I roller skated for the first time in 15 years with teens listening to blaring Celine Dion.
I feel like I did the first 3 days of P90X at once.
I feel like a crazed Italian dragged my legs through a noodle maker.
I feel like I just had to push 10 syringes of D50 in a row.
I feel like my entire team was made up of gremlins on amphetamines.
Hey there FRIEND! You are terrible at putting on restraints
You know, on the guy that ain’t acting like a jolly saint?
So now he pulled out his central line
and has blood flowing out like the river Rhine.
What the heck!? How hard is it tying ONE knot?
Its just a loop with a loose end that plops.
I want to scream, its the end of my shift
And now I have to deal with this rift!
Next time, think before you leave the room,
“What actions do I take so the nurse doesn’t fume?”
Its like climbing a wall without Spider Man powers
Or tying your shoes for hours and hours.
Its like eating ten bowls of flaming hot curry
Or trying to convince OJ’s grand jury.
Its like riding a bike with two flat tires
Or doing jumping jacks near open wires.
Its like cutting yarn with safety scissors
Or running naked in a cold dark blizzard.
The countdown begins like New Years Eve,
Twelve more hours until we can leave.
Gone will be 17, the one who won’t stop yelling
Who many patients wish the nurses would STAT start quelling.
Gone will be the family that won’t stop asking questions
The one I really just want to give a four letter suggestion.
Soon I will be free as a hind upon the mountain top
Hoping the next three days off will never end or stop.