C diff runs like a river wide Swallowing healthy bowels in large stride. For me, C diff just makes me gag, It smells like 10 rats dead in a bag. So vomit I do, a bit in my throat And try not to look seasick like on a boat. My patient asks “What’s wrong with you nurse?” And I simply smile and try to converse. So C diff I hope this Vanco kills you I’ll be first in line to wish you ‘Adieu!’
My patient! You almost died! Your tele rang off and sent nurses a fly! Heart stopped and lungs stalled we started pumping your chest as ones enthralled with the thrill of the moment of saving a life, one we don’t get in this world of strife.
Pump, pump we pumped away! Like reindeer working at Santas sleigh. Alarms were ringing, doctors yelling. Come back would you? There was no way of telling. Sudden in the quiet moment, when the air was still and success at foment you came back to life, a daisy out the snow, like a phoenix born anew you filled with life aglow!
Off to the unit you were rushed, and in your place left a quiet hush of an empty room of a life just saved, together, nurses goodbye we waved.
I feel like I just broke a world record for staying on my feet for the longest time in a day. I feel like Dansko got revenge on me and filled my shoes with cement. I feel like I just did yoga in an automatic car wash between the scrubbing spinny brushes. I feel like I spent 12 hours on a medieval rack with a scorned lover at the cranks. I feel like I roller skated for the first time in 15 years with teens listening to blaring Celine Dion. I feel like I did the first 3 days of P90X at once. I feel like a crazed Italian dragged my legs through a noodle maker. I feel like I just had to push 10 syringes of D50 in a row. I feel like my entire team was made up of gremlins on amphetamines.
Its like taking handwriting lessons from the Parkinson’s Club president. Its like getting 40 select all that apply on a critical care test. Its like trying to get an IV in a man that was just rescued from the desert. Its like learning utensil handling mastery from the Parkinson’s Clubs provost. Its like taking hygiene tips from frequent flyers in the ER. Its like trying to place a Foley in a patient with severe contractures.
Its so very frustrating to get good nursing staffing I wish our request weren’t met like we’re new jeans chaffing. So please Staffing next time we call. Please allow us some more nurses, or accept all the falls.
SCDs are King and Lovenox Queen Of the land they reign that is DVT clean. ‘Clot clean!’ is their motto, one for all to hear. Its one all clots should fear, a land they should never be near. For if clots set foot in Clot Cleanville they will surely be lysed As C diff after the use of many bleach wipes. So nurses, create for your patients a Clot Clean life For they will be merry and enjoy much less strife.
Die, C diff die! You turn to shamble our patients. Diarrhea and excoriation are your foundations. To fight you like a Bleach Knight, we shall wash hands with delight And die like a Dragon you will with a sword in you tight! ‘Huzzah! Huzzah!’ As one we all shouted, Your death made immortal in great songs undoubted
C diff, C diff, like the scourge of the earth You stick and you wait in your spore to give birth. Undaunted by cleaners of regular variety Only does bleach give you fear or anxiety. Once born you are tough like hardy shoe leather, And you cause diarrhea and ulcers together. But beware C diff, your day is coming When bleach flows as rain and your death knell starts thrumming. So watch out for bleach wipes, it’s your devastation, For then we can cry, ‘C diff is dead!’ with great jubilation!