Satisfaction Driven Healthcare Fail

Dear patient family,

It’s one thing to ask for ice
But seriously asking for that much is just not nice.
I am nurse not a butler please take your request elsewhere,
Oh wait, I forgot, all our pay is based on satisfaction in healthcare.

With slightly jaded love,

Your extremely-busy-saving-your-family-member-from-near-death-and-you-are-unhappy-with-the-room-temperature Nurse

Hold Your IV

That IV you say, no way to keep it?
I will make sure that you do I commit.
That Doc ordered it, it has to stay
I feel unfortunately that your opinion will not sway.
So I wrap and wrap and wrap away,
That Kerlex will unlikely hold you at bay.

Urine Dread

Please, oh please don’t wet the bed
It’s such a pain, one all nurses dread
Use the bedpan or a urinal
Simply peeing the bed is just criminal

Slow Discharge

Discharge is not ready,
Yes I know the Doc said you are free already!
However, I have paperwork to do for you
So please hold up and I will soon be through

Don’t Touch that IV!

Oh fine patient what a pleasure it was
To wrap your IV with three rolls of gauze.
Don’t pull it or touch it or even looks its way
That IV you have needs to stay!

Security Stat

Security please come this patients gone crazy
I swear its not me being angry or lazy.
They’re kicking and throwing and all out of sorts
The way they are looking, I might mess my shorts.

No Time to Micturate

Holy cow you need to wait,
I don’t have time for you to micturate.
So cross your legs or jump up and down,
Just please wait a second I’ll be around