Walking and walking, oh my feet hurt I feel I’ve aged 20 years and live in a yurt. It’s always so painful to be on my feet For 14 hours and never have a seat. At least the shifts almost over And I can rest my dogs, one I even named Rover. So I lift ’em up, relax and recline Perhaps next thing I’ll do is eat greasy strips of swine.
SCDs are King and Lovenox Queen Of the land they reign that is DVT clean. ‘Clot clean!’ is their motto, one for all to hear. Its one all clots should fear, a land they should never be near. For if clots set foot in Clot Cleanville they will surely be lysed As C diff after the use of many bleach wipes. So nurses, create for your patients a Clot Clean life For they will be merry and enjoy much less strife.
SCDs like the lord of the land, They squash out clots before they can even stand. Like small critters running, clots disappear For SCDs keep watch like a burly musketeer. ‘Pump, Pump, Pump!’ SCDs repeat as they prepare to crush every DVT they meet.
The countdown begins like New Years Eve, Twelve more hours until we can leave. Gone will be 17, the one who won’t stop yelling Who many patients wish the nurses would STAT start quelling. Gone will be the family that won’t stop asking questions The one I really just want to give a four letter suggestion. Soon I will be free as a hind upon the mountain top Hoping the next three days off will never end or stop.
Die, C diff die! You turn to shamble our patients. Diarrhea and excoriation are your foundations. To fight you like a Bleach Knight, we shall wash hands with delight And die like a Dragon you will with a sword in you tight! ‘Huzzah! Huzzah!’ As one we all shouted, Your death made immortal in great songs undoubted
C diff, C diff, like the scourge of the earth You stick and you wait in your spore to give birth. Undaunted by cleaners of regular variety Only does bleach give you fear or anxiety. Once born you are tough like hardy shoe leather, And you cause diarrhea and ulcers together. But beware C diff, your day is coming When bleach flows as rain and your death knell starts thrumming. So watch out for bleach wipes, it’s your devastation, For then we can cry, ‘C diff is dead!’ with great jubilation!
I am so frustrated that you are unhappy Your family member could die and all you care about are things stupid and crappie. I talk to doctors, push IV meds, take their vitals umpteen times And all you do is point out the dirt on the floor as if it were a crime Well I am so sad to report that while saving their life My skills as a housekeeper were slightly under strife
It’s one thing to ask for ice But seriously asking for that much is just not nice. I am nurse not a butler please take your request elsewhere, Oh wait, I forgot, all our pay is based on satisfaction in healthcare.
With slightly jaded love,
Your extremely-busy-saving-your-family-member-from-near-death-and-you-are-unhappy-with-the-room-temperature Nurse