I feel like I just broke a world record for staying on my feet for the longest time in a day. I feel like Dansko got revenge on me and filled my shoes with cement. I feel like I just did yoga in an automatic car wash between the scrubbing spinny brushes. I feel like I spent 12 hours on a medieval rack with a scorned lover at the cranks. I feel like I roller skated for the first time in 15 years with teens listening to blaring Celine Dion. I feel like I did the first 3 days of P90X at once. I feel like a crazed Italian dragged my legs through a noodle maker. I feel like I just had to push 10 syringes of D50 in a row. I feel like my entire team was made up of gremlins on amphetamines.
Hey there FRIEND! You are terrible at putting on restraints You know, on the guy that ain’t acting like a jolly saint? So now he pulled out his central line and has blood flowing out like the river Rhine. What the heck!? How hard is it tying ONE knot? Its just a loop with a loose end that plops. I want to scream, its the end of my shift And now I have to deal with this rift! Next time, think before you leave the room, “What actions do I take so the nurse doesn’t fume?”
Its like taking handwriting lessons from the Parkinson’s Club president. Its like getting 40 select all that apply on a critical care test. Its like trying to get an IV in a man that was just rescued from the desert. Its like learning utensil handling mastery from the Parkinson’s Clubs provost. Its like taking hygiene tips from frequent flyers in the ER. Its like trying to place a Foley in a patient with severe contractures.
Its so very frustrating to get good nursing staffing I wish our request weren’t met like we’re new jeans chaffing. So please Staffing next time we call. Please allow us some more nurses, or accept all the falls.
Please when you defecate in your bed Keep it contained, don’t let it spread. I mean, It’s not like you pooping flowers It’s more like logs of terror from the butt of Bowser More like a mudslide in Indonesia It makes me hate Milk of Magnesia. So avoid it I shall for Mario I am not I’d much rather before a drug test, smoke pot. For playing with stool is for the crazy patients, Definitely not for men who want good female relations.
Bed bugs are much like gum on my shoe Awful and ugly like old cold fondue. I wish I could kill them with mace or a knife Sadly they have a lengthy shelf life. They sit and they wait for darkness to set And spring on those unaware and upset. Like Tiggers from fairy tales they bounce all around And follow you swiftly like a trusty blood hound.