Nursing School’s Joy is the End

Finishing semesters in school is the best feeling
Like a pig in the mud, I just might start squealing!
No more papers to write or things to turn in
Or crappy assignments from crap to gold I spin.
Soon I will rest and in the quietness caress
The thought that one day school will be over
And I will into the workforce crossover.
I will turn into Scrooge, hoarding my money
My disposition will be so much brighter and sunny.
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Sickening C Diff

C diff runs like a river wide
Swallowing healthy bowels in large stride.
For me, C diff just makes me gag,
It smells like 10 rats dead in a bag.
So vomit I do, a bit in my throat
And try not to look seasick like on a boat.
My patient asks “What’s wrong with you nurse?”
And I simply smile and try to converse.
So C diff I hope this Vanco kills you
I’ll be first in line to wish you ‘Adieu!’

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Patho is Painful

Studying Pathology is like walking through sand,
It’s the toughest subject in all the land.
After we’re through we’ll be smart eggs
Our brain will be full like we drank four kegs.
 
So keep studying Patho it’s so good for you nurse,
Soon you’ll see reason and not be averse.
As pathology is so important in practice
With it’s knowledge you’ll keep your license blackless.
 
 
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Please, Tie the Restrains Right!

Hey there FRIEND!  You are terrible at putting on restraints
You know, on the guy that ain’t acting like a jolly saint?
So now he pulled out his central line
and has blood flowing out like the river Rhine.
What the heck!?  How hard is it tying ONE knot?
Its just a loop with a loose end that plops.
I want to scream, its the end of my shift
And now I have to deal with this rift!
Next time, think before you leave the room,
“What actions do I take so the nurse doesn’t fume?”

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Why Do Patients Smell!?

Man!  Were you raised by wolves?
Your clothes and hair are full of weevils.
Its like a bath for you is ancient practice
To get you clean we’d need a loofah made of cactus.

Time to take you to the shower and clean you off
Hopefully you don’t plug up any drain troughs.
Dead skin is in the air like swirling dust
Pardon me as I throw up in my mouth with great disgust

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Why Nurses Hate Stool!

Please when you defecate in your bed
Keep it contained, don’t let it spread.
I mean, It’s not like you pooping flowers
It’s more like logs of terror from the butt of Bowser
More like a mudslide in Indonesia
It makes me hate Milk of Magnesia.
So avoid it I shall for Mario I am not
I’d much rather before a drug test, smoke pot.
For playing with stool is for the crazy patients,
Definitely not for men who want good female relations.

What it’s Like to Work Short Staffed, RN

Its like climbing a wall without Spider Man powers
Or tying your shoes for hours and hours.
Its like eating ten bowls of flaming hot curry
Or trying to convince OJ’s grand jury.

Its like riding a bike with two flat tires
Or doing jumping jacks near open wires.
Its like cutting yarn with safety scissors
Or running naked in a cold dark blizzard.

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Tired of Terrible Nurse Staffing

Tired of working long hours without help
Tired of yelling and crying with yelps.
Tired of filing unsafes and complaints
Tired of acting always like saints.

Tired of running harder than a dog
Tired of making decisions from a fog.
Tired of caring for those who don’t care
Tired of acting like things are always fair

We need to get help or find a new jobs
Otherwise we may all turn into a lynch mob.

Please give us better staffing!!!
About this I am surely not laughing.

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Ebola is Terrible

You are so very terrible Ebola
More annoying than my sore molar
My dream is that you don’t make my patients sick
Or I would be isolated faster than an ugly chick

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