What its like trying to fix terrible Nurses Staffing:

Its like taking handwriting lessons from the Parkinson’s Club president.
Its like getting 40 select all that apply on a critical care test.
Its like trying to get an IV in a man that was just rescued from the desert.
Its like learning utensil handling mastery from the Parkinson’s Clubs provost.
Its like taking hygiene tips from frequent flyers in the ER.
Its like trying to place a Foley in a patient with severe contractures.

Its so very frustrating to get good nursing staffing
I wish our request weren’t met like we’re new jeans chaffing.
So please Staffing next time we call.
Please allow us some more nurses, or accept all the falls.

NursingPoems.com

Why Do Patients Smell!?

Man!  Were you raised by wolves?
Your clothes and hair are full of weevils.
Its like a bath for you is ancient practice
To get you clean we’d need a loofah made of cactus.

Time to take you to the shower and clean you off
Hopefully you don’t plug up any drain troughs.
Dead skin is in the air like swirling dust
Pardon me as I throw up in my mouth with great disgust

NursingPoems.com

Why Nurses Hate Stool!

Please when you defecate in your bed
Keep it contained, don’t let it spread.
I mean, It’s not like you pooping flowers
It’s more like logs of terror from the butt of Bowser
More like a mudslide in Indonesia
It makes me hate Milk of Magnesia.
So avoid it I shall for Mario I am not
I’d much rather before a drug test, smoke pot.
For playing with stool is for the crazy patients,
Definitely not for men who want good female relations.

What it’s Like to Work Short Staffed, RN

Its like climbing a wall without Spider Man powers
Or tying your shoes for hours and hours.
Its like eating ten bowls of flaming hot curry
Or trying to convince OJ’s grand jury.

Its like riding a bike with two flat tires
Or doing jumping jacks near open wires.
Its like cutting yarn with safety scissors
Or running naked in a cold dark blizzard.

NursingPoems.com

Tired of Terrible Nurse Staffing

Tired of working long hours without help
Tired of yelling and crying with yelps.
Tired of filing unsafes and complaints
Tired of acting always like saints.

Tired of running harder than a dog
Tired of making decisions from a fog.
Tired of caring for those who don’t care
Tired of acting like things are always fair

We need to get help or find a new jobs
Otherwise we may all turn into a lynch mob.

Please give us better staffing!!!
About this I am surely not laughing.

NursingPoems.com

Ebola is Terrible

You are so very terrible Ebola
More annoying than my sore molar
My dream is that you don’t make my patients sick
Or I would be isolated faster than an ugly chick

NursingPoems.com

A Sword Named Lovenox

Like a sword in the hand of a master

Does Lovenox lay out clots to immense disaster.

WIth one swipe it stops Factor Xa from thrombin.

It keeps us clot free like riches to poor does robin.

Don’t despair Lovenox, you are much needed

With you clots despair and their loss is conceded.

Bed Bug Disdain

Bed bugs are much like gum on my shoe
Awful and ugly like old cold fondue.
I wish I could kill them with mace or a knife
Sadly they have a lengthy shelf life.
They sit and they wait for darkness to set
And spring on those unaware and upset.
Like Tiggers from fairy tales they bounce all around
And follow you swiftly like a trusty blood hound.

NursingPoems.com

Nurse Will Work for Bacon

Tired nurse will work for bacon:

Walking and walking, oh my feet hurt
I feel I’ve aged 20 years and live in a yurt.
It’s always so painful to be on my feet
For 14 hours and never have a seat.
At least the shifts almost over
And I can rest my dogs, one I even named Rover.
So I lift ’em up, relax and recline
Perhaps next thing I’ll do is eat greasy strips of swine.

NursingPoems.com

SCDs are King and Lovenox Queen

SCDs are King and Lovenox Queen
Of the land they reign that is DVT clean.
‘Clot clean!’ is their motto, one for all to hear.
Its one all clots should fear, a land they should never be near.
For if clots set foot in Clot Cleanville they will surely be lysed
As C diff after the use of many bleach wipes.
So nurses, create for your patients a Clot Clean life
For they will be merry and enjoy much less strife.

NursingPoems.com