My patient! You almost died!
Your tele rang off and sent nurses a fly!
Heart stopped and lungs stalled
we started pumping your chest as ones enthralled
with the thrill of the moment of saving a life,
one we don’t get in this world of strife.
Pump, pump we pumped away!
Like reindeer working at Santas sleigh.
Alarms were ringing, doctors yelling.
Come back would you? There was no way of telling.
Sudden in the quiet moment,
when the air was still and success at foment
you came back to life, a daisy out the snow,
like a phoenix born anew you filled with life aglow!
Off to the unit you were rushed,
and in your place left a quiet hush
of an empty room of a life just saved,
together, nurses goodbye we waved.
What lives we live as nurses
Our many days off with fat full purses.
To do that though we must be brave.
We must daily pull on trousers and slave
To clean all the poop from head to toe
From Betty to George and John to Joe.
It’s not easy what we do everyday.
Not a break do we get if something’s astray.
“More coffee! More pills! My mom needs a bath!”
Its with each morning we trudge this winding warpath.
With smiles on faces and great counterparts
We bravely enjoy this work in our hearts.
I feel like I just broke a world record for staying on my feet for the longest time in a day.
I feel like Dansko got revenge on me and filled my shoes with cement.
I feel like I just did yoga in an automatic car wash between the scrubbing spinny brushes.
I feel like I spent 12 hours on a medieval rack with a scorned lover at the cranks.
I feel like I roller skated for the first time in 15 years with teens listening to blaring Celine Dion.
I feel like I did the first 3 days of P90X at once.
I feel like a crazed Italian dragged my legs through a noodle maker.
I feel like I just had to push 10 syringes of D50 in a row.
I feel like my entire team was made up of gremlins on amphetamines.
Hey there FRIEND! You are terrible at putting on restraints
You know, on the guy that ain’t acting like a jolly saint?
So now he pulled out his central line
and has blood flowing out like the river Rhine.
What the heck!? How hard is it tying ONE knot?
Its just a loop with a loose end that plops.
I want to scream, its the end of my shift
And now I have to deal with this rift!
Next time, think before you leave the room,
“What actions do I take so the nurse doesn’t fume?”
Man! Were you raised by wolves?
Your clothes and hair are full of weevils.
Its like a bath for you is ancient practice
To get you clean we’d need a loofah made of cactus.
Time to take you to the shower and clean you off
Hopefully you don’t plug up any drain troughs.
Dead skin is in the air like swirling dust
Pardon me as I throw up in my mouth with great disgust
Its like climbing a wall without Spider Man powers
Or tying your shoes for hours and hours.
Its like eating ten bowls of flaming hot curry
Or trying to convince OJ’s grand jury.
Its like riding a bike with two flat tires
Or doing jumping jacks near open wires.
Its like cutting yarn with safety scissors
Or running naked in a cold dark blizzard.
Tired of working long hours without help
Tired of yelling and crying with yelps.
Tired of filing unsafes and complaints
Tired of acting always like saints.
Tired of running harder than a dog
Tired of making decisions from a fog.
Tired of caring for those who don’t care
Tired of acting like things are always fair
We need to get help or find a new jobs
Otherwise we may all turn into a lynch mob.
Please give us better staffing!!!
About this I am surely not laughing.
Bed bugs are much like gum on my shoe
Awful and ugly like old cold fondue.
I wish I could kill them with mace or a knife
Sadly they have a lengthy shelf life.
They sit and they wait for darkness to set
And spring on those unaware and upset.
Like Tiggers from fairy tales they bounce all around
And follow you swiftly like a trusty blood hound.
Tired nurse will work for bacon:
Walking and walking, oh my feet hurt
I feel I’ve aged 20 years and live in a yurt.
It’s always so painful to be on my feet
For 14 hours and never have a seat.
At least the shifts almost over
And I can rest my dogs, one I even named Rover.
So I lift ’em up, relax and recline
Perhaps next thing I’ll do is eat greasy strips of swine.